Cushing's has a huge impact on our physical body. As I've said before, it spares nothing. It affects our minds. Besides the memory and speech issues, it invades our thoughts. It causes us to doubt ourselves, sometimes doubt our doctor's diagnosis once we get diagnosed, etc. It makes us depressed. I would not say it is the typical type of depression. It is a depression from being sick all the time, and not getting help from the medical field. We seek doctors to figure out what is wrong with us, and we often feel like they are not even listening, let alone running the right tests. We feel so sick, and we are unheard. We often feel like NOBODY cares. That includes close family and friends. We know that nobody understands what we are going through but another Cushing's patient. Unless you have had the disease, you can't fully grasp the magnitude of it. You could read all the books and articles on Cushing's, and still not know first hand what it feels like. Having head knowledge of the disease is just not the same as having a physical experience with it!
Sometimes we feel like we are just going to lose our minds. We wonder what is happening to us! It's scary! It helps so much to talk to another person who has Cushing's. It eases your fears, and it just helps to know others understand what you are talking about and feeling.
Some of us have a lot of pain. Let me tell you, a person can only take so much! Imagine being in pain 24/7 for weeks or months on end. When it's like that, it consumes you. There is no escaping it! People who are not in chronic pain do not understand that!
I have always thought suicide is sad. As a Christian, I believe suicide is wrong, but I am not judging anyone. I've been in THAT much pain before. I can understand why someone would commit suicide when they are in constant pain. I've heard people say before that they think it's selfish when someone commits suicide. They think it is selfish because of the hurt it causes the people left behind. There are lots of reasons someone would commit suicide, and I'm not talking about every single case. I'm talking about what I know about, and that is someone dealing with chronic diseases and chronic pain. It's not about being selfish. It's about getting relief. It's about being at the end of your rope and not being able to hold on any longer. This is why I think it's sad! If doctors would help these people more, and get them pain relief, or get their disease diagnosed and get them to treatment, you wouldn't see most of them feeling suicidal! Most people have a will to live. Most people do not want to die. There is a threshold you cross. I can't tell you exactly what it is, but I've been there. I've never wanted to kill myself, but I didn't care if I died. I sometimes wished I would just die in my sleep, so I wouldn't have to suffer any more. That is a sad place to be in, and nobody should judge someone else unless they have walked a mile in their shoes.
To all my Cushie friends, I hope you have the strength to hold on until you get the help you so desperately need! It does get better!