Well, it's another day. I have a headache! I mostly get them over my right eyebrow. It is screaming at me, and so is my 4 yr. old. I wantgumIwantgumIwantgum! Ok, forevermore, get the piece of gum! He's asked for gum for days, and I always say no. Today I cave in. I don't want to hear it anymore! Of course, since he gets one, everyone else wants one too. Now they are quiet... for a little bit.
I should be doing loads of laundry, packing for surgery, cleaning house, shopping for groceries, paying bills, and here I sit, blogging! I feel most productive or active at least, late at night. I am awake in the day, but I don't feel alive. Some days I have to take a nap, others, I don't. I'm excited about my surgery coming up, I just lack the energy to get busy to make it happen! I look forward to having energy again someday! It would be nice to feel alive, rather than like I just exist! Some days the feelings you experience with Cushing's are just really hard to put into words. I don't know that they exist.
Ok, I'm off to get busy. The longer I sit here, the less I get done! Surgery will be here before I know it! Do you know anybody who was excited to find out they had a tumor inside their head, or that they had a disease? Only if you know a Cushie! We get excited about these things, because we have to work so hard to find out what is wrong with us, and we have to prove that it's there. Basically, we have to prove we are sick, and once we do, it is sweet validation! It is hard, hard work. Harder than you would think. It gets very frustrating and discouraging! There are days you wonder if you are on the right track, or if it is worth it all. Deep in your heart, you know it is, but you have those moments of despair and doubt that take over and threaten to squeeze the life right out of you! The support of our Cushing's community keeps us on track! I'm so thankful for all of my Cushing's friends! If it wasn't for them, I doubt I would be here, in this position today! I probably would have given up a long time ago, and resigned myself to living as long as I could, sick!